Free

I love being free.

I had lunch today with a friend and former coworker who is still in Corporate America.  Corporate America is still much the same as when I left. 

Whenever I talk work with friends and family still doing the corporate thing, I feel like …

Praise God I’m not there anymore.

And not today so much, but sometimes the stories make me think … well, I look at people stressed out and so wrapped up in corporate shenanigans … and I’m reminded that I was there once, in that exact place in my life.  I didn’t realize how easy the choice really was to do something different. 

Does it take some risk and stepping out on faith?  Sure.  So do a lot of things worth having in this life.

I guess I’ve taken on some of the traits of one of my sounding boards who – usually when I’m rambling while looking for an answer to something or another – gives me The Look … which says, in so many words, “Really?” … “Did you hear what you just said?” … “Stop thinking so much.” … “It will all work out, it always does.” … “You know what you should do, so go do it.”

J

Sometimes I just need to be told.  Don’t we all.

Today was good.  Reinforcement that I’m on the right path.

We all have a lot more choices than we think.  Some get that and some don’t.  And some just like to complain.  Or so it seems.  I prefer positive attention over negative attention and sympathy, though.

Interestingly, I read an article this week that says entrepreneurs tend to be healthier than non-entrepreneurs.  Amen.

Stepping away and having some perspective rocks.

Assumptions

Just assumptions tonight. 

I’ve had a couple weeks of craziness and travel and craziness and such.

Assumptions.  We all operate within the world of our own assumptions.  But what about when you realize people have made assumptions about you that aren’t quite on the mark?  It seems to be a theme just recently. 

Let’s see …

Eating habits.  Some people seem to think I’ve been on a liquid diet of things that don’t taste good for the last year-and-a-half?  Um no, I eat “real” food every day.  And the protein shakes I drink taste good.  An advocate of a certain points-counting program wrinkled their nose up at me the other day and said, “Don’t you have to keep drinking those shakes?”  Well, yeah, I get to keep drinking those shakes.  J

Math.  And economics.  Some people just don’t understand.  Or maybe don’t want to.

80% nutrition, 20% exercise.  I am the poster child for this.  How many times have I heard, “I just need to exercise more.”  Well, yeah, everyone should exercise.  And for those who think I work out like a beast for hours … do you know my whole story?  I have physical / medical limitations that mean it’s pretty much workout-light for Jenn. 

What I want and what I need.  (To quote Daughtry.)  Sometimes even I don’t know what that is.  And when I do know and I say it … there are still no guarantees.  And when I do know and I don’t say it or don’t say it clearly … then it’s a real circus around here in this space called my life.

Right now I’ve got a little bit of everything going on, so let me just lay down across that last paragraph, and we’ll have a pretty good representation of my current askewness.

By the way, spell-check would like to suggest “sameness” and “alkenes” as substitutes for the word “askewness”.  Feel free to discuss the deeper meaning.

I don’t want to be negative at all here, because … as you might have figured out … I’m a big advocate of pray about it and follow God’s leading as best you can.

I’m also not much of a rules person, so, yeah, refer to previous guidance about praying about it …

And for anyone who thinks they know how I feel … or how I should feel … um, you might be wrong.  Just sayin’.  J

Motivation & Assumptions

Sorry, no superhero titles this week.

Motivation is a funny thing.

I often ask the question, “How bad do you want it?”  (I even ask myself.)  I’m not sure people really understand.

I heard someone described as lazy the other day.  And certainly this world has its share of lazy individuals.  But what drives lazy?  I think a lot of people are enslaved in a prison of mindset. 

What are the rules of your daily life?  If there were a top ten list of rules on the wall of your brain, what would they be? 

Here are a few ideas:

I can’t do it.

I can’t ask that person for help.

So-and-so will be mad if I try that.

I don’t have time for that.
That kind of a life isn't for people like me.
I can’t afford to.

That person will think I’m weird if I talk to them.

I just need to make it through this job to age fifty & then I can retire early.

I just need to make it through x and then I can y.

Assumptions are a funny thing, too.

I learned through various and sundry management classes in Corporate America that the answer to a question is not always yes or no, A or B, option 1 or option 2.  Most of the time there’s a third option or even many options.  Never assume!

If I assumed that I should have a job in Corporate America until age 65+ because that’s what society says I should do … well, I’d still be miserable and unhealthy and one big bundle of stress.

Some people are meant to be in Corporate America, some are not.  Let’s get down to the real deal … what does God say you should be doing?  Hmmmm?  Has he spoken on the subject?  Have you asked him?

So … what are your rules?  Your assumptions?  What do you think can never change?

And when you think you've been told “no” by an actual person or life in general … are you sure?  How bad do you want it?

Monkey Brains

Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can …

Oh yes, it is that time of year when the weather is getting cooler and the spiders decide indoors is the place to be.  I don’t know if the old wives’ tale about hedge apples in the basement driving them away is correct, but since I have an abundance of the things … better known as “monkey brains” to my niece … there are a couple in each corner.

There are still tons in the yard out by the main road.  Come and get ‘em.

It has been an interesting few days. 

The Spidey Sense has dropped back to its normal whisper level. 

Personally I have been spun up and preoccupied with several things.  And I don’t stress about much usually, but outside forces have been trying to mess with my Zen.

Today I have a smile on my face.  Some would say a Cheshire cat grin even. 

Another headhunter called while I was getting ready for an event the other day.  While listening to his voice mail description of some fab-u-lous job in Corporate America, I believe I actually said out loud, “I’d rather shove a stick in my eye.” 

Oh how I do love being free.

So I continue on with my psychological studies of modern society, etiquette in the technological age, and what constitutes normal.  Hello, is this thing on???

Being able to do business in jeans and flip-flops while sporting blue polish on my toenails is a far cry from the buttoned up world in which I used to reside.  Hmmm … I used to keep clear nail polish in my desk for repairing runs in my stockings.  And I had a decent dry cleaning bill.  I still have a few hangers around from Gardener’s Dry Cleaning in South Charleston.  I think I like now better.  Yes, thank you.

So tell me, what is holding you back?  Sometimes my brain needs a little work.  And sometimes I have to consciously hold my tongue (not literally, but consciously … go ahead, form a mental picture) while I choose how to react to the circus full of things that cross my path each day.  I try to recognize my need for attitude adjustment versus thinking adjustment versus it-really-is-them-not-you-and-keep-going … and just do it.  I run into all of the above on a regular basis. 

Be still and know that He is God and all that. 

OK, next!!!

Spidey Sense

I’m just in awe of God’s handiwork.  And how his plan and his timing differ from mine.  I mean handiwork in terms of how he orchestrates situations and happenings and events.

I am so grateful for contentment.  And patience when I suddenly realize I actually have some. 

Peace that surpasses all understanding.  I find it now and again.  That’s usually when I know something is from God … of God … and I’m headed in the right direction.

Peace versus patience … discuss amongst yourselves.

When I started writing earlier this week I did in fact have patience.  Today I’m slightly on edge and working on praying it away.  The inner circle knows why.

Sometimes I hate being right.

Blegh.

Blegh!!!

There was a time in my life when I would have interpreted the idea of following God’s leading as more of a “do what you’re told” or “do what the bible says” kind of thing.  Pray.  ‘Cause you’re supposed to.  Do unto others & all that.  “Cause you’re supposed to.  Do the right thing.  ‘Cause you’re supposed to.

Lately I seem to have this intuition that … well, the Holy Spirit and I seem to get each other?  As much as that’s possible anyway … I’m pretty sure he gets me more than I get him.  I am certainly not bragging here, I’m just saying that over & over I’m getting nudged and I actually recognize it.  It’s downright scary sometimes.  99.999% of the time when that newfound Spidey Sense of mine goes off I am on the mark.

My weekend travel plans have changed, which is fine.  Multiple reasons to stick closer to home have come up.  And my weekend schedule has changed multiple times in the last twenty-four hours.  Which is also fine.  I’m going with the flow.  Go ahead, nudge me again.

As a planner and an overachiever I’m not used to handing the reins over to someone else in everyday life.  I’m not quite a control freak but comfortable being in charge because it’s expected.  But if God is everywhere … and he’s there in our everyday life … why do I not just immediately say “here you go”?  I mean, it’s not like a total que sera, sera approach is necessarily the way to be, but sometimes I have to wonder why I’m trying so hard. 

It’s God’s plan, not mine.  It’s God’s timing, not mine.  Go ahead, really, nudge me again.

Fear

It’s been almost a month since I posted my random thoughts and ramblings.  I had written a lot over the course of several days … some public, some shared privately, and some not shared at all … and I think I was just out of words. 

Insert joke about me being speechless here.

And I haven’t really been completely speechless.  To the beneficiary of a lot of my recent words – here is your public and yet somewhat anonymous thank you for putting up with me.  You rock.  You know who you are.

And in the meantime maybe it was time to be still and know that He is God.  To find that elusive quiet place and just listen.

Where he tells me be patient, I’m still working, I meant what I said.  You’re strong.  And I’m stronger.

And elusive quite place.  I’ve been distracted by a flurry of, I don’t know, schtuff, activities, things, whatever.  Mostly good.  Just things that needed done but weren’t necessarily in my plan.  Sometimes distractions are distractions, and sometimes maybe they’re a way to occupy our time while we wait on God’s timing.

That patience thing just won’t go away, will it.  Grrrr.

So yeah.  Fear.  And transformation.

I’ve had people tell me they can see my “transformation” just over the last couple months.  I don’t know, I did get my hair cut the other day.  And I am, in fact, wearing a size smaller jeans.  I suppose small changes … applied consistently and patiently … add up.

And the real theme of the day … which finally hit me while I was popping out my contacts for the night … fear. 

I guess I’m not really afraid of that much?

Snakes, definitely snakes.  That’s right, me and Indiana Jones.  I’ve always thought Harrison Ford is hot, so if someone could pass my number along to him, that’d be great.

I suppose I have a generic fear of failure – although I’m not even really sure what that means – and fear of being financially insecure, but even then my God has done an outstanding job of setting things up so I’m in a pretty good place right now.

I wasn’t always this way.  It took a lot of years and a lot of life to become this bold and care this little what others think.

It still often takes conscious decisions to step out.  And little reminders that, “Duh, you should do this.”  But if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear, right??? 

I’m gaining a new appreciation for my uniqueness on this subject.  I mean, I knew I was weird for kind of liking public speaking, which is a huge fear for many people.  And I think a fear of something that can hurt or kill you (like snakes!!!) is probably reasonable.  But letting fear hold you back from happiness, success, something you actually want, and freedom?  Hmmm … depends on the situation, but, well, I guess it’s fear of the unknown … it’s unknown!  So how do you know if you should be afraid of it or not?

I’m laughing out loud because I hate surprises.  But maybe I’m getting ok with them.

And what on earth is a fear of success anyway???  Someone really needs to explain that one to me.

Fearlessness.  It’s a good thing.  You should try it.

Need

I said something the other day that made me stop and think.  Need versus needy.  I don’t like being needy.  It’s unattractive and, well, needy.

But we all have basic needs.  Physical.  Emotional.  Maybe intellectual.

And in the words of Sanctus Real … oh, oh we need each other.

In the past I’ve had friends say something to the effect of, “I need a man” or “I need a husband” or “I need this” or “I need that”.   These are grown-up, mature, reasonably well adjusted adults.  Accomplished Christian women perfectly capable of providing for themselves.

I came up with a mantra for my grown-up friends, and it comes in handy too with my small group girls when teenage drama starts to ensue …

There is only one man you need, and his name is Jesus Christ. 

The rest are just nice-to-have. 

Most of them.

So I try to watch my use of the word “need”. 

And now that I think of it, I should cross-stitch that mantra on a pillow.  I could start a whole new business based on that one phrase alone.  With products available in a variety of neon and princess colors.  An-y-way …

Maybe the joke’s on me.  I have said many times that God has a sense of humor.  I think he’s having a riotously hilarious time with me right now.  (Riotously hilarious … say it five times fast … you know you want to.)

Just when I’m all focused on work, and helping people, and … I don’t know, stuff … I get this flash.  I have this moment.  Twilight-Zone-worthy?  Maybe.  And it will take me longer to describe here than it took to occur, but here goes.  I got this weird feeling – almost physical -- that something was missing.  Wrong.  Not right.  The conversation with God went something like this … and I’m paraphrasing because there weren’t really words … kind of like when you’re at the end of your rope and you know you should pray, but you can’t even put the words together in your head, so you pray anyway without words because God knows what you’re saying … yeah, like that.  OK …

But God, you fill all my needs.

Yes, and this is what I’m giving you.

Really? ‘Cause not to be ungrateful, but it’s not really doing it for me right now.

Patience.  Haha.

Fast forward about a week to today.  I have work and things to do, so I’ve gotten cool with the patience thing for about five seconds.  I even managed to sleep in a little this morning.

Side note … I haven’t been sleeping the best lately, which is unusual for me.  Tell me, is it wrong to pray for the ragweed to die?  Because I feel that my life will be vastly improved – until next spring at least – once that happens.

So yeah, patience, focus, and a to do list.  I roll out of bed and grab my phone to check “the interweb” for the news of the day and such.  And there, staring me in the face, is a big ‘ol message from the big guy.  Not literal, but, you know, we get each other, and we have our inside jokes.  So pretty much he was saying, “Ha, told you so.  And oh, by the way, go get on the treadmill.”

So I got on the treadmill.  Where my stupid lungs cooperated enough for me to run part of the time.  Yay.  J  And where God had a hilarious time with my choice of Addison Road for today’s soundtrack.  Need You Now … Run … Always Love … and so on …

Need … hmpf!

And, OK, fine, I heard you!!!  J