Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh …

Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh …

That’s me being uber overtired.

With precious little opportunity for recovery.

I’m a huge proponent of prioritizing self-care. Looks like it’s time to prioritize again. And set expectations again.

I don’t like to complain, but when I do, it might as well be in my own world on my own web site here.

J

I spent way too much of my day dealing with a shipping issue that never should have been a thing. FedEx and I were left to be the detectives … when the supplier could have communicated and addressed the problem nearly a week ago. Sigh.

My Wednesdays have been busy just lately – so I’m posting here on Thursdays sometimes instead – and Thursday has been turning into a sleep-in Sabbath day when possible. The degree to which I’ve been able to sleep in is a testament to how much rest I’m needing.

Or haven’t been getting.

In the name of self-care I did finally escape the minutiae today and used my forty percent off Hobby Lobby coupon on a tube of paint. And I’m listening to instrumental Christmas piano music a Twitter connection posted. Pretty sure I’m going to have to buy it because it’s bringing me peace.

Speaking of Hobby Lobby – and this is interesting to me since I downsized my life this year – did you know there’s an entire aisle of mini Christmas trees (about eighteen inches tall) and all the decorations you could possibly think of to put on them? Because if you have downsized to a small space, certainly you should spend a lot of money on temporary decorations of the proper scale.

And speaking of instrumental piano music, I kind of have a piece brewing. A title and a vibe anyway. I’ll get right on that and my art-art as soon as I can shove some life and insanity out of the way.

I have a love-hate relationship with the holiday season. The modern day woman is expected to do it all, have it all, be it all. Which requires so much time and effort that one wakes up cranky, resentful, and empty at the end of it all. It gets complicated fighting perfectionism and mediocrity at the same time.

What I really want for Christmas is to hide under a blanket and wake up on a secluded beach. Santa, can you make that happen? Stat?

Okay well maybe next year.

I feel a strong pull to reprioritize a few commitments. And today I felt a strong pull away from one in particular. I have to question, though … are those Satan’s flaming arrows trying to keep me from something good … or the nudge (or indeed dropkick) of the Holy Spirit pushing me to something better?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

It's all relative.

I’ve had some really good conversations over the last week. I found new boots on a budget. Life is good. But there’s something stirring in the air.

One of the drawbacks of being an overachieving capable of doing pretty much anything type … and maybe more importantly being perceived as an overachieving capable of doing pretty much anything type … is that too much ends up on one’s plate. This is especially true as a self-employed person with a flexible schedule. I have a tendency to take on a few extra things because I can, and then more requests are made and a lot of expectations are set because I “have time” or I “don’t have a job”.

Without getting into the gory details, it takes a lot of adequate sleep, healthy lifestyle most of the time, and at home physical therapy to keep me going. I am not the Energizer Bunny. I mean, I am indeed equally fabulous, but it takes regular hibernation to recharge the batteries.

So if you’re the praying type, please pray for my energy level, wisdom, and discernment.

I need to make at least one decision here pretty quick-like.

Keep looking up.